As with many of my blogs – this one begins with an interesting conversation I had.
We started talking about distorted media representations of the female body – all good, we agreed that the Kardashians and many other influential individuals promote an airbrushed, distorted and thus unattainable depiction of the female body. We talked about fitness – how helpful it is to have realistic role models on social media who show the sweat, the aches, the lack of glamour of a hardcore workout; great.
Then we moved onto body positivity.
And this person told me that self-love was “self-sabotage” where people weren’t making healthy choices about their diets and exercise.
So, indulging in food and not prioritising physical fitness is ‘unhealthy’ to the point that you shouldn’t be adopting the attitudes of self-love. And a vigorous routine of ‘healthy’ eating and consistent exercise is a necessity to deserve self-love.
This certainly seemed to be their belief.
My initial response afterwards was a series of flustered rants to my friends and family before I recognised that, despite it being uncomfortable, it is vital that we put ourselves in positions where our views are challenged – this chat actually helped me strengthen my ideas around body positivity and self-love.
Social media algorithms work very hard to ensure that the content we interact with reflects our views and interests, and we can be at risk of ending up in an opinion echo chamber where we only see and hear ideas that mirror our own. This fuels ignorance and a lack of understanding for the great range of perspectives on social issues.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not feel comfortable with actively searching for right wing influencers or people who appose feminism, legal abortion and LGBTQ+ rights, among other things. But I certainly need to make a more active effort to do so because how can we equip ourselves with the tools to challenge these opinions if we aren’t listening to them? Education and social change are not comfortable or easy. But that’s what enables progress to be rewarding.
To refer to self-love as a form of self-sabotage, in relation to people who don’t follow a ‘healthy’ diet or do consistent exercise, suggests that prioritising physical health is the only way to take care and love yourself.
I put healthy in quotes is because it's such an ambiguous term. How do we categorise health? According to the World Health Organization health is "a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease and infirmity". Surely well-being is dependent on the individual; therefore, I am sceptical about using the word without quote marks.
If you push your body into a certain fitness regime and follow a strict diet in the name of ‘self-love’ but these practices make you unhappy, leave you hungry or overly tired – this is not self-love.
If your mental health is improved by physical wellbeing, as lots of studies show, fantastic! But you do not have to meet any conditions to deserve a positive relationship with your body.
Self-love does not have a formula; it shouldn’t come from a certain amount of exercise or eating your five a day or hitting a number on the scales. It should be unconditional. And thus, regardless of what size you are, how you look or feel on one particular day, whether you went to the gym yesterday or never – your body deserves your love.
I’m not saying this is easy. Unconditional self-love is bloody hard and an endless personal project, but your body should not have to earn your love.
Also, this concept of ‘self-love’ in relation to exercise and healthy eating is not accessible to everyone. It is a privilege to be able to afford the time and money for a gym membership, for a personal trainer, for a dietician. Fast food is far cheaper than fresh, organic fruit and vegetables that are better for your body.
In an ideal world, perhaps self love should come hand in hand with putting good food in your body and keeping active, because ideally, we would all be able to afford gym memberships, personal trainers and organic, locally sourced food.
Ideally, we would all have the time to schedule substantial exercise, shopping, cooking and careful food prep into our day. However, we live very far from that ideal world.
The reality is, sometimes it is healthier to cut back on exercise and eat more to take care of yourself. The beauty of being unique individuals is that our relationships with ourselves and thus our physical and mental well-being are diverse and nuanced. Which is why it is problematic to make blanket statements about people’s bodies and their ‘health’.
We could all follow the exact same diet and do the same level of exercise and we would still all be a great range of shapes and sizes.
Healthy is not a fixed size. Healthy looks different on every body.
Food is also so much more than its calorie content or ‘wellness’ benefits. Food can be a pleasure and thus a form of self-love in itself.
The body positivity movement often talks of treating yourself, and your body, like someone you love.
Would you stop loving your friend if they hadn’t worked out for a week? Would you tell your friend that they didn’t deserve a hug unless they’d been for a run?
Why are we so capable of loving others unconditionally, but not ourselves?
Sadly, profit is made from this self-doubt. If we treated ourselves with more kindness and care, a lot of businesses would go bust, but this is a whole other blog!
My body does not need to earn my love.
You do not have to earn self-love. Your body shouldn’t have to do anything to deserve your respect and care.
I say these things on my blog as much for myself as I do for you. Creating this space has not only been fantastic in sharing my internal discussions with you and spreading awareness about matters that I am passionate about, but it also enables me to solidify my standpoint and remind myself of the things I want to convey. In sharing, I am also reminding myself of these messages.
Self-love is a complex and on-going process. I don’t think it can ever be ticked off the to do list, because with personal growth comes the need to shift your perspective with your body.
I want to try and celebrate my body for how it allows me to move and think, experience emotions and experiences.
Your body is your vessel, so much more than an object to be externally admired or critiqued.
In a society where we are both directly and indirectly encouraged to dislike ourselves, we desperately need self-love, and we need it to be free of rules or obligations.
While ‘self-sabotage’ recognises the importance of good food and the benefits of moving your body, it doesn’t acknowledge the complexity of ‘health’ and its often-irrelevant connection to your body shape.
Your body should not have to earn your love and 'healthy' has no size.
As was said in one of Florence Given's podcasts, "your body is your instrument not your ornament".
Comments