I want to be able to look in the mirror and feel good.
But I know that it will be a never ending process of self-reassurance to keep me feeling positive about how I look and the shape that I am.
I have an image pinned to one of my wardrobe doors reading, “You don’t need to put anyone down to elevate yourself or someone else”. It acts as a reminder for me, because although I see myself as a confident woman who loves and respects her body I still have days where I feel fat and insecure and not quite enough.
My great, great aunt was a model.
I was lucky enough to see some of her modelling photos a few days ago. She was beautiful, truly beautiful, but it made me wonder how exactly she viewed her body and if she had to deal with the same, or maybe slightly different insecurities that so many people face today. Perhaps she even had more.
What is it that we all strive for now? As men and women in the modern world, I’m curious if there’s one idea of perfection that we’re all, in our own way, working towards.
Because I’ll tell you now, to save yourself looking, there isn’t. Perhaps you think Angelina Jolie has the perfect figure. Or Zendaya. Or Brad Pitt. Or Arnie Schwarzenegger. Or Kim Kardashian. Whoever we may look up to or aspire to look like, I wonder who it is they aspire to have bodies like. The chain surely doesn’t stop at them; I can’t imagine fame comes with a badge of rock solid confidence. In fact, with that much attention on them all the time, these people we idolise must have crippling concerns about their body image and how people perceive them to be, while all the time lies make the front pages and there’s a team of photo shoppers behind every magazine shoot.
How can we compare ourselves to celebrities in terms of our body image?
We all have different figures. And there’s only so much exercise or changes in diet that can alter that. We all have our own shapes. Some people are able to develop huge muscles and abs, some people are blessed with curves and some people are naturally skinny and will be able to eat chocolate for months without looking any different.
We’ve all been envious of someone or other because they look how we desire to.
I know I sometimes have a hard time being around one of my friends because she seems to have the perfect figure to me. She’s utterly beautiful and perfectly confident in herself and how she is and yet I can’t help but see her in comparison to myself.
I find myself trying to think of things that I have that she doesn’t to reassure myself of my own worth.
It pains me just to confess to that in writing, but I can’t help it feeling this way.
I return to the quote on my wardrobe: “You don’t need to put anyone down in order to elevate yourself or someone else”. No I don’t. But why is it that I feel I have to?
Why do we live in a society where images and perceptions have such a ridiculous impact on us?
Why does it matter if one person forgets to tag you in a post, or how many of your followers actually bother to like your posts? Why do these things that we can’t touch or feel or know, I mean social media and everything online is another world entirely, seem to dictate our worth?
It’s generally understood and acknowledged that the images posted on people’s social media show the best angles, best perspectives and best selection of images of our lives. For many people there will be a dozen, if not a hundred, discarded photos that didn’t make the cut. This one made me look like I have rolls, I wasn’t breathing in enough or tensing here…
Of course, we want to portray ourselves in the way that makes us feel most confident. But then why do we still allow ourselves to get caught up when seeing friends or celebrities looking seemingly perfect in the images they put out on the internet?
Measuring ourselves by making comparisons with other people is exhausting.
Let’s appreciate that people are going to post the images where they are most satisfied with their bodies. That doesn’t make anybody perfect, but nor does it make them wrong for showing the most flattering version of themselves.
We all have bad hair days, bloated days, scruffy days, shitty days…
I want to love myself and be able to look in the mirror and feel good. To not worry about breathing in to take photos with my friends, to wear a bikini that allows me to get a proper tan without feeling like I have a muffin top or I look overweight, to not think that when I sit down my thighs become tree trunks. But I know there’s no little switch that can allow me to suddenly have this state of mind.
Ten year old me was so ignorant of all these things. Ten year old me also probably got a lot more exercise because I was endless sprinting around the playground playing imaginary games with my friends. But I have a greater awareness of the world now, so I have no desire to return to that child's innocence.
It’s all a journey adapting to what you know and what you learn, trying to take the best bits from it all and learn from the bad.
I know that there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to pretty much anything, but particularly in our bodies. I also know that it will be a never ending process of self-reassurance to keep me feeling positive about how I look and the shape that I am.
I know that I am boosted when people tell me I look good, and how much that means to me. So I do my best to return the compliment to other people by telling them when they look particularly attractive, because regardless of gender or relationships, it’s something we all like to hear and it deserves to be said more often.
So much is unsaid about our bodies and how we feel about them. The snide comments about Jane filling out her dress a little too much, or Mark looking a bit on the heavy side at the moment are always hushed, because there is an acute awareness of how much these comments would mean to a person if they were said louder.
Your value is not dictated by how you look or dress or talk. These things make up who we are but they do not define us.
We define ourselves, with a little help from those who love us.
And yes, we could all probably eat a little less at times or do more exercise but fundamentally doing either of those things because of dissatisfaction in how you look isn’t right.
We only get one body, one life. Although comparisons and having body goals are inevitable and are by no means a terrible thing, sometimes we desperately need to find a way to remind ourselves, without having to reference anybody else or their experiences: I am content with my body. Who I am is beautiful.
Because if we can’t see ourselves like that, then how can we expect anyone else to.
Comentarios