I was waiting in a queue to try on some gorgeous ballgowns, knowing I wouldn’t be buying anything but keen to try them out anyhow, when I overheard the woman behind me gently trying to reassure her daughter;
“If you feel at all like you did last time we tried dresses, remember it’s the fit of the dress that’s the problem, not you. You’re not fat, okay?”
This girl was so pretty (she also had a really cool belly piercing) but on hearing this I could relate to how she might have felt trying on potential prom dresses, or whatever the occasion was, feeling like they made her look frumpy and ugly when the garment just didn’t suit her body type or fitted badly.
We’ve all been there. However, if all clothes fitted and suited us, there wouldn’t be a fashion industry.
But it really upset me thinking of this stunning girl looking at herself in a dress and feeling as though she were the problem, and she wasn’t good enough.
My mum can vouch for me when I say that as I relayed to her what I had overheard, I was on the verge of tearing up. Although I know I get insecure, and I know I've made unhealthy comparisons at times, acknowledging the reality that we all face some form of struggle in relation to body image is saddening and frankly exhausting.
I did some research for this topic which took me to The Mental Health Foundation where they have some concerning statistics. In 2019 the foundation found that 37% of teenagers felt upset and 31% felt ashamed in relation to their body image; among adults, one in five felt shame because of their body image, and unsurprisingly, their survey showed that 40% of teenagers said that images on social media caused them to worry about their body image.
Diet culture says skinny means healthy and connotates a lot of food with feelings of guilt.
I cannot express how fucked this is.
Bodies evolve continually, and this last year of on and off lockdowns has meant a lot of people have seen changes in their bodies. Weight loss can be great for some while weight gain can be a huge and important achievement for others. The majority of the time, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, so ill-informed judgments about shifts in people’s size can be harmful, especially as we are all so much more than our weight or clothing size. It does not determine our worth.
What matters is not size or weight, but making the effort to accept and love your body.
Healthy is a feeling and a state of mind, not a diet or a clothing size.
We cannot physically live up to the expectations the media is constantly promoting.
In an ideal world we’d all eat a perfectly balanced diet – whatever science and dietitians have decided is best for us, get eight to ten hours sleep each night and do some form of exercise for an hour each day, but we don’t live in that ideal world.
And honestly, you need a great deal of time and money to maintain that kind of lifestyle. Not to mention, it doesn’t sound particularly fun.
Everywhere you look there is pressure and expectation to make changes to your lifestyle in order to tick boxes of “health”, “beauty”, “desirability”, but who defines these things?
Since when did beautiful mean a six pack or tiny waist and a big butt? If you were to compare Marilyn Monroe to Kendall Jenner, the differences would be extreme and yet both are considered the epitome of beauty in their time.
Beauty and desirability aren’t fixed concepts. They’re both subjective, evolving and usually profitable to someone or other.
Corporations and businesses would be broke without people’s insecurities. They literally feed off people feeling the need to 'fix' themselves through products, services and commodities.
There's a saying that loving yourself in a society that profits from your insecurities is a revolutionary act. It’s true.
If you want to and it makes you feel good, try a new diet, take up running, perhaps do some workouts.
But there is no pressure to do so. And there shouldn’t be guilt attached to not doing these things.
It is upsetting how big a problem this is, and I know that by writing a couple of blog posts these issues aren’t going to be magically resolved, but the little things do help.
I follow a lot of body confident, body positive people on social media which definitely has an empowering impact for me. Trying to surround yourself with positive influences that present real bodies not those distorted by filters and unrealistic perceptions of the ‘right’ or ‘perfect’ body, really helps. However, it is worryingly difficult to find this type of role model for men and I think the pressures for guys to conform to particular stereotypes in order to be perceived as 'attractive' can be unbelievably damaging. Especially since there is a toxic masculine culture of not talking about these things. At least, as a woman, I can turn to positive online influences to find reassurance and comfort. As a man, it is near impossible to find advertising material with a variation of 'normal' bodies, and that's a big problem.
It’s also important to accept the reality that we may never be insecurity free, and that’s okay. Also, that being satisfied in how your body looks doesn’t make you vain or attention seeking, and we shouldn’t try to push away positive feelings out of fear of judgement or feel put down or frustrated by other people's confidence.
It takes a lot of courage to ignore diet culture and its infiltration through the posts, videos and adverts which flash up with ‘How to lose a pound in seven days!’, ‘The best no carb, no calorie diet!’, with accompanying photo-shopped models or people who work out as a living, trying to trick us into thinking that ‘perfection’ is only a click or a purchase away.
That’s capitalism, not the solution to our problems.
Instead, since the perfect body is not a fixed ideal, it is up to us to define.
So I’m asking, what do you think helps? What makes you feel good in your body? What would you recommend for other people to help improve our relationships with our bodies?
I would love to hear your thoughts and what little things make a difference to you.
And before you go, I want to remind you that you are stunning. You look handsome, strong and beautiful. Your outfit is cool, your smile is gorgeous, and you are amazing. Your body deserves your love, even if you feel bloated today, or you had a big meal last night, or you haven’t exercised for a while. Eat things that make you feel good and that keep you well nourished so you can have energy for the day. Exercise if you feel up to it and you enjoy it, and don’t forget that you are loved.
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