In light of the recent news about Sarah Everard, quite rightly, there has been a lot of anger and frustration which has led to a stream of posts, comments, videos and articles on social media.
When I opened my new Instagram account for my blog and began thinking I had actually better post something, I thought I might write about the importance of feminism recognising and supporting men rather than appearing to villainise them. Then after a very positive international women’s day, we had Meghan Markle opening up about her mental health only to be told she was lying, followed by the discovery of Sarah Everard’s body making us doubt that we’ve made any progress in terms of feeling safe on the streets.
So, I feel like if I were to write a blog about the need to empower men as well as women right now, I might be accused of a hate crime!
Therefore, I’ve been thinking about what I really want to convey. I wasn’t sure what I wanted and needed to say, but I think I know now.
There have been a lot of statements circulating the media in response to what happened to Sarah Everard talking about “all men” and their need to do more to make this society somewhere which is safer and less dangerous for women.
To make progress in the world, sometimes we have to scream at the top of our lungs just to be heard as a whisper. We have to run a mile in order to take two steps forward.
The Suffragettes had to starve themselves and be chained to buildings to make the smallest of baby steps towards a fairer world, because peaceful protest was getting them nowhere. We need to be having radical conversations, making extreme statements, and having uncomfortable debates in order to make a change because George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and so many others have demonstrated that polite and progressive will never go hand in hand.
So, on that note, radical statements about “all men” are necessary because if that were to become “some”, “a few”, “lots of you are lovely, but”, the message gets lost.
We will not be heard if, before saying anything about the constant fear women face of harassment and abuse, we acknowledge that of course we don’t mean all men and that some men are actively fighting with us. Although it is true, if we have to say this, our message will not be heard.
Justice and change don’t come about through acknowledging all the incredible, supportive people in the world.
We must talk about “all men” because enough men are a problem that women have to assume the worst in all of them in order to keep safe.
By talking about “all men” we widen our audience so those men who are trying to make women feel safer can acknowledge the importance of what they are doing and do more. Talking about “all men”, might lead some to recognise previous behaviours that have put women in an uncomfortable or compromising position and not do it again.
And by making the generalisation of “all men”, it becomes harder for those who want to escape the umbrella title, thinking that they are the exception.
Statements about “all men”, are not about all men.
I wish I could say that we shouldn’t make these sweeping generalisations because they are harmful, but I fear more harm might come out of not saying these things.
Too many people have been harassed, made uncomfortable and felt unsafe because of men, not to make that generalisation. This makes me sad to write because I wanted to put together a post that celebrated a positive masculine image and all the incredible guys who I know and adore, but that cannot take priority at the moment.
I’ve seen lots of posts which beautifully articulate why responding to the media outcry about Sarah Everard with, “not all men”, is unhelpful.
These posts explain that we, as humans, generalise. For example, we would say that we should be cautious of ticks because they carry Limes disease. We are aware that not all ticks carry the disease, but enough do that we should be wary of them.
We know not all men are the problem but when 1 in 3 women are assaulted by a man in their lifetime and according to one survey, 97% of young women in the UK have been sexually harassed, it is enough that we have to assume it is all men in order to remain safe.
Those arguing “not all men”, give off a similar energy to those who complained that “all lives matter”, during the height of the BLM protests.
Of course, this isn’t all men, we know that. But it is enough.
Those so keen to distance themselves from being put into the category of “all” are fundamentally missing the point and are probably the kind of people who need to be listening to this message the most.
After everything the feminist movement has fought for, after all the progress we thought we had made, one case study has demonstrated just how far we have to go.
Feeling unsafe and vulnerable should not be the norm for women.
Ingrained behaviours like fake phone calls and avoiding dark alleys, taking a longer route if it means sticking to the streetlights and speeding up anytime you walk past a group of men, only being able to let out that breath you didn’t even realise you were holding when you get to the safety of your home. It is painful knowing the level of normal this is.
Actively make the effort to help other women feel safer. We are all human, and as people we need to do our bit to help other people.
Because this has to change.
Comments