A couple of months ago now, I was harassed on the street in my hometown. After it happened, I put something on my social media as a bit of a cry for help and because I felt so violated; it seemed important to share. The response was absolutely overwhelming, and I got so many kind messages which meant so much to me.
Now I want to talk about it.
I still sort of feel embarrassed about it, because what happened to me could’ve been so much worse or so much more serious, and I feel like making a fuss about it all is unnecessary. But the way it affected me was undeniable and the fact that what happened made me feel like that, isn’t okay.
Walking around town in the dark makes me anxious far more than it used to now, and you know what’s really terrible, is the fact that if an older man walks near or close behind me, it puts me on edge. I’m sure all of these men are considerate, respectful, good people and yet my experience leaves me feeling like I have to expect the worst in all of them and I know I am not the only teenage girl who feels this way. It's awful that we have to stereotype and judge people and be cautious in this way, just to try and be safe.
So, it’s probably story time. What actually happened I hear you ask.
I was with some friends standing outside some shops in town having a chat, and I saw someone walk towards us. I was concerned he was going to tell us off for standing too close together or breaking the rule of six (which we weren't) or being in the way, but instead he came right up next to me, and put his arms around me, pulling me towards him. Not only was this an intrusion of my personal space but living with COVID, when touch is so taboo, it felt even more of a violation. He then asked the people I was with for cigarettes and they said they didn’t have any. He then asked me out in the sweetest, most romantic way possible.
I’m kidding.
I don’t even know if I could class it as asking me out because it wasn’t nearly civilized enough. Basically, he made advances to me by asking something I can’t entirely recall, and feeling increasingly uncomfortable I said, “no thank you”. He then asked me something similar again, and having taken his arms off me at some point asking the others for cigarettes, he grabbed me again and held on to me.
I said, ‘no thank you’.
Gotta admire him for his persistence because this didn’t seem to deter him, and he then asked if I had a boyfriend. I said yes and told him that my friend next to me was actually my boyfriend. He quickly went along with this and confirmed that he was, and the guy backed down a little as I stepped closer to my friend for some reassurance. Thankfully, he walked away soon after this.
Thinking about it now, it makes me so angry that what actually got him to go away was the idea that some other guy had already claimed me. Had I said I was single would he have kept going and touching me? What exactly is it about “no thank you” that isn’t clear?
After, I walked back to the train station to get home. I was half managing to convince myself that it was a bit shit, but no matter, let's move on, but I felt so shaky and vulnerable that my chest felt almost hollow. I got as far as getting into the car with my mum, and then started sobbing, and I figured what I had thought wasn’t a big deal, actually was.
I’m so angry that we live in a world of injustice. I’m angry that we still have to fight racism and homophobia and sexism because for some reason it hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m angry we have to protest for black lives, because how do people not realise their value? I’m angry that people think it’s acceptable to make homophobic remarks or use gay slurs. I’m angry I was touched by a stranger in the street, and that it made me feel vulnerable and afraid. I’m angry because of how much it upset me and still my experience was nothing in comparison to what others have been through.
I frequently lose faith in humanity and fall out of love with our world when I see examples people still justifying and normalising their prejudiced behaviours. The fact that Donald Trump was elected US president when at least 25 women came forward to accuse him of groping, rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment and more, will continue to fuel my frustration with the world and how much we continue to need change.
But then the little things help me restore my faith.
Harry Styles really said fuck toxic masculinity on the front cover of Vogue wearing a Gucci dress, more Americans voted for Joe Biden than for any other US president in history, showing that actually humanity does have a voice and people do care about electing a fairer leader, Florence Given wrote an amazing book talking about her radical feminism, and though we wear masks and have to keep our distance, people still compliment one another and take the time to share a friendly conversation, a wave or even just an eyebrow raise to signify a smile.
I watched The Trial of the Chicago Seven last night which showed a great deal of injustice. There was a moment where a black man was handcuffed, gagged and beaten for using his voice to defend himself against an unfair trial, and there was a moment where a young girl was pinned to the ground by a group of men who tore off her clothes and attacked her for protesting. These moments made me most angry and upset.
It is exhausting watching such scenes in movies, especially when in this case they were based on true events, to convince oneself that we live in a world of peace and fairness.
Boris Johnson saved Christmas, but cancelled Diwali and Hanukkah with essentially no warning- and we are supposed to believe we have a just government?
I am only really waking up to the level of fucked up that this planet is (and I’m not even starting on climate change) and I’m already tired of it. As a young woman, my experience of harassment is unlikely to be my last and that is something I am essentially supposed to make peace with, because how ever much of a feminist I am, how ever much I care about treating people with respect, there are those out there who will never do so.
But, to try and maintain a Craig Revel Horwood approach to this, and end with a positive note, I have to remind you and me that there are endlessly things to be grateful for and find joy in, both on a worldwide and a personal level.
Women like Kamala Harris and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are becoming more influential and powerful by the day, spreading their messages of equality and fighting prejudice as they go, Sarah McBride is to become the first transgender state senator in the US, Scotland has become the first country in the world to make period products free for all, Elliot Page has come out as transgender, Joe Biden is going to kick Donald Trump out of the White House and despite all the COVID restrictions, the BBC made Strictly happen.
If there’s not hope to be found in that, then I don’t know where there is.
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