Two girls from my class are on their way out of school. By the school gates a man has his dick out and starts wanking off at them.
They are relieved, because at least it was at them and not a year seven.
I overhear conversations among the year sevens. A boy tells a girl that another boy wants to “put his tongue in your hole”. I hear no response from her.
Back when I am in year seven, a boy in my class tells me, "I will cut off your cunt and feed it to your family" if I don’t give him the answers. My parents are appalled, but the teachers don’t really do anything.
I walk through town and a man just points and stares at my crotch as I pass him.
At work, my friend has to serve a man who always makes a comment on her appearance, calling her hair, her trousers, her makeup “the most beautiful” and referring to her as "my little waitress”. The manager seems to like the man, so she doesn’t report it.
Out of a car, a man puts his two fingers up at my friend and sticks his tongue through them while making noises.
Having just got out of her car, my friend walks along the road and a man stares at her chest and grins. She calls her dad who has just dropped her off, but she still has somewhere to be and what can he do?
My friend takes a call outside the restaurant she is eating at. A man walks past and then stops to stare at her. Then he sprints at her. She gets back to the safety of the restaurant, but he paces outside for some time before leaving.
While walking her dog in the morning, a man starts following my teacher. Her partner offers to walk with her next time. She wonders why as a grown woman and a mother she still needs a chaperone.
I am walking past a group of boys with my friend, and we hear them making comments about us. One of them says “I don’t know which one I prefer”.
At a festival, a guy grabs my friend and starts kissing her. He pulls her hair to draw her back in when she pulls away. When he leaves the crowd, she tries to move but he finds her and goes to kiss her again. She pushes him off and he screams abuse at her.
Eventually, he goes. She tells the friend she is with, who laughs, telling her to “take one for the team” because she is talking with the guy’s mate.
But women have the 1975 Sex Discrimination Act and the Equal Pay Act of 1970; they can wear miniskirts and be CEOs.
The LGBTQ+ community got Same Sex Marriage in 2013 and people of colour have the Race Relations Act of 1965.
Aren’t we done now?
There is a lot that is good about the world and we’re fortunate to live in a society that has, to a great extent, progressed. But oh, how far we have to go.
We may have legislation of equality, but it isn’t reflected at ground level.
While women can head companies and be leading politicians, that man at the school gates still managed to justify getting his cock out in front of minors. He may register the wider connotations of equality, but it hasn’t trickled down into his brain that it applies to him too.
Fundamentally, we have a prevailing culture that allows that man, and others like him, to justify such actions. For him, equality isn’t compulsory, it’s just a thing that some people seem to work on in their spare time.
Culture shifts don’t happen overnight so while I will keep writing and speaking about this, I don’t expect a sudden dramatic change.
What is more within grasp, is a movement of calling it out. The deeply ingrained toxic attitudes that endorse discrimination will take time to eradicate.
But if you have been made to feel violated, are experiencing harassment or discriminatory behaviour, I urge you to tell someone.
Allow yourself the opportunity to be heard.
Sadly, people won’t always listen. But someone always will.
Real change will then come from the way we educate and socialise young people, with role models setting an example that doesn’t endorse toxic gender stereotypes or excuse behaviour resulting from them.
If the boy who threatened to cut off my cunt had been spoken to rationally by an authority figure he respected as soon as the incident was reported, I’d like to think that might have had an impact.
If someone had expressed to the man who masturbated at my friends that women are not just sexual commodities, perhaps he would’ve chosen to act differently that day.
If the boy at the festival had been taught that no one is entitled to another person’s body and no means no, maybe he wouldn’t have treated my friend with such disgusting disrespect.
Most of the instances listed above were mentioned to me offhandedly; they weren’t considered to be unusual or particularly of note.
I cannot emphasise enough how fucked up the normalisation of this behaviour is.
We are far from done here, and we won’t be done until respect for all genders becomes a core lesson of humanity.
Equality after all, is your human right.
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